Nonviolent Communication

Rosenberg, a clinical psychologist who worked in civil rights mediation and in international conflict, presents a four-step communication process: state an observation without evaluation, state the feeling it produced, state the unmet need behind the feeling, and make a specific and doable request rather than a demand.

The distinctions he draws are the substance. Observation separates what actually occurred from the interpretation placed on it, and he argues that most conflict statements combine the two so that the other party defends against the judgment rather than addressing the event. Feelings are distinguished from thoughts disguised as feelings, so that saying you feel ignored is a judgment about someone else's behaviour rather than a report of your state. Needs are distinguished from strategies, so that a need for reassurance can be met many ways while a demand for a specific action cannot. Requests are distinguished from demands by whether refusal carries a penalty.

He also covers empathic listening, which he defines as reflecting the other person's feelings and needs rather than offering advice, sympathy or explanation, and he argues that people cannot hear anything until they feel heard. Rosenberg holds that anger comes from unmet needs combined with a judgment about someone else, and that the judgment is what converts the need into blame.

The language of the method is distinctive and many people find it artificial, which limits adoption in professional settings. The evidence is Rosenberg's own practice rather than research, and the empirical literature on the method is thin. The observation and evaluation distinction, and the identification of needs behind positions, transfer directly to difficult conversations without requiring the full vocabulary.